Make me Understand
by xClarityx
Summary: A series of vents. Short stories if you will, about cutting how it relapsing is so easy. IchigoxOC. No negative comments, this my life.
1. Chapter 1

Make me Understand

I'm part of that 10 percent, the 10 percent that has attempted suicide. With so much going on in life, the fact that I'm getting help for a problem that has kept happening it opens old wounds it scares me. Being sexually abused by someone you trusted!

But now I can't even go home because I can't even talk to my own mother about why I keep relapsing and why I can't sleep at night! I can't tell her the reason why I visited the hospital twice this year for cutting deep.

I'm at my friend's house with clothes stuffed into a backpack because I can't go back to see my mother crying.

"Why are you here so late at night?" Ichigo asked

"Because I don't want to be home." I said trying to hold back tears.

"What's going on?" He asked as he let me into his house, empty from two younger sister and a father.

"I can't deal with this anymore. Being question for why I'm crying and why there is fresh scars on my arm. I just can't!" I cried.

"Why do you keep doing that? I don't understand! We've been friends for 10 years and I don't know why you do this!" Ichigo started to yell.

"Because!" I yelled back tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Because why!" Ichigo questioned. "What could possibly be going on?"

"You wouldn't understand!" I said.

"I want to understand! You're pushing me away! We've been friends for years and now I don't understand why you suddenly start to do this!" Ichigo yelled.

"I can't stop! It's a battle I can't win!" I yelled

I felt cornered, I ran into his bathroom and did what I tried to stop. I pulled up my shorts and drove the razor deep into my right leg. Blood started to flow down my leg. Ichigo busted the door down and saw the blood flowing down my leg. He quickly took a towel from underneath the sink and pressed it onto my leg.

"Why?" He asked as he watched me cry.

"Because, it is so hard to forget about something that haunts your mind." I cried.

"What is making you do this?" Ichigo asked his voice turned into a low whisper.

"You won't understand." I said as I tried to clean the blood off of my leg.

"Make me understand, I'm sick of hearing that excuse. Make me understand." Ichigo said as he looked at me in the eyes.

"I can't, it'll open old wounds." I mumbled.

"You need to open old wounds in order for them to heal properly." Ichigo said as he put pressure on the cut.

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry guys, a lot is on my mind and I needed to vent.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't remember how we got on the subject but my Orihime and I began talking about Ichigo, he was a close friend to Orihime and a mystery to me. All I knew was that he was quiet, cute, and was majoring in engineering. We talked about Keigo who bought up a very delicate subject about a week ago, my arm. We were in his room, talking about video games, TV, and even our college classes. I started to have flashbacks about the past and I started to snap the rubber band against my wrist with my sweater sleeves up. Maybe 10 minutes later I noticed Ichigo looking at my wrist, I made eye contact with him, and his eyes had the serious look of concern that sent a shiver up my spine. I broke our train of contact and pulled my sleeves down. I started to contribute to the conversation a little bit and then kept quiet. I hugged Keigo's roaring dinosaur teddy bear close to my chest and tried to cope with the horrible flashbacks that kept going through my head. Eventually I rolled up my sleeve and started rubbing my old scars that were healing but started to itch.

"Woah, what is up with your arm?" Keigo said as he looked down at my arm.

"Nothing." I said frantically.

Orihime told me on that day Ichigo was trying to take Keigo's attention away from my arm. I was happy to find out he did that, but it also made me a little concerned about how much he knew.

"That was the first time he found out." I said with a sigh, annoyed with the fact I let my guard down so much for him to notice.

"No, he saw it prior to that day." Orihime stated.

"WHAT?" I said in shock.

"Yeah, that's what he told me." Orihime shrugged.

He probably saw it the countless days at dinner and lunch when I never took my sweater because it was too hot outside. Orihime told me he isn't the one to approach someone about a topic, that he'll wait until you are ready to talk about it. I just don't think I'll ever be ready to talk about it.

The next day, I remember having the feeling to cut and I did just that. When Orihime left to take a shower I indulge in the pleasure of cutting myself. I took the scissors I had hidden in my cosmetic drawer and cut myself over 20 times on my left wrist. I watched the blood surface and make its way down my arm to my hand. I sat on the floor and just thought about how good it felt to just cut. I cleaned myself up, and just sat on my bed listening to music until she came back.


End file.
